The Insincerity of Politeness

I believe that sometimes politeness is a necessity. Without it, human beings would not be able to live in close quarters without offending each other as much as they already do. We have to have a basic understanding of the rules of society in order for it not to go keeling over into the waste-bin madly. In addition, the general golden rule idea also makes a great deal of sense.

However, sometimes I am completely fed up by the lies that politeness force on us or the nonsensical and pointless words we must mouth in order to pledge obeisance to all that is politeness.

Common example: I do not like saying that I am fine whenever anyone insincerely inquires into the state of my life. At this point in time, I am most assuredly not fine. Or okay. I usually short circuit this conversation by saying something else bland that is also basically a conversation non-starter without making me feel irritated about lying. Right now "hot" is a good answer, considering the blistering heat wave felt across the country. "Getting by" is also truthful enough for me. Depending on the person, I may even answer "frustrated" and talk a little about my job search, or "busy" and talk about my class and getting my house ready for sale.

What set me off today was a coworker's question. "Would you mind turning your music down?" was all she said, and it was a simple enough question that she could have phrased less politely. Also, I have no problem turning it down other than the bare fact that I can't stand listening to music if I can't make it out. I'll grab my headphones from the car on my break (headphones I forgot to bring in with me, which would have short circuited the whole issue.) No problem. She has the right not to have to listen to my music, even if it's likely she could barely hear it from across the room. She's a nice person too, who generally behaves inobtrusively within the office so I have no problem trying to adjust my volume.

The point is that I gave a polite answer. "Of course not," I said, as if I could say anything else. Why should I even have to grace that question with an answer? Politeness dictates I have to turn it down, no questions asked. It isn't as if I could say "Hell yes I do mind, the music is hardly loud enough for me to hear, let alone you sitting across the room and on the other side of a loud air filter, and there's no way the simple job you're doing actually requires that much concentration." Even if I phrased it more politely, it's not quite acceptable to say "I'd rather not," even if it's the bald-faced truth.

So if you come across a surly and overheated Clio today, don't ask her questions that she will be forced to answer politely and fakely. Only ask her how she is if you're sincerely concerned. Don't do anything for her that would require a thank you note detailing how she plans on spending many happy years making memories with the antique Elvis commemorative potato peeler you gave her, or making the rooster lamp a design centerpiece in her aspiringly art-deco on the cheap home. And tell her to turn her music up.