Sometime Soon

Sometime in the near future I will write more carefully and more at length about my recent and wonderful vacation on the cheap to Chicago where I attended a ton of free events, went to a music festival, and stayed with relatives. I have decided to try and get certified to teach in Illinois and live in Chicago as soon as is possible. Also, sadly enough, Britt Daniel of Spoon did not sense my inner beauty at the concert yesterday and run away with me.

Sometime in the near future I will relate in more detail the legal detail of the end of my marriage, which is finally winding down. We have our court date tomorrow to decide the custody of Darcy-dog.

Sometime soon I will update you on my dismal job search.

For now, I ask for your thoughts and prayers as I steel my sour stomach and tender heart for tomorrow. If it goes well, I will let y'all know in a mighty and celebratory post. If it goes badly I will probably post a sentence and seek the solace of a friend and Johnny Depp in a dark theatre.

Oh My!

There was a monster storm here tonight. There are tree limbs down all over roads, traffic lights are out, and some traffic light poles were blown to the ground. Some winds in excess of 80 mph were reported.

I myself do not have power. Yet luckily, my trusty laptop was charged to full power.

The real annoying part, other than a huge tree limb on my garage and no electric, is probably the irony of the temperature. It's been over 100 for 4 days in a row. It's finally bearable outside, and my house is still hot. I can't get any windows open except the one in the bathroom, which really doesn't give the house much of a breeze.

So I'm posting by candlelight, and as warm as hell. Well, probably not hell. But I wish my fan was working at the very least.

And I get to spend my day off sawing tree limbs. Not for the first time, let me tell you. I'm experienced. I've got it down to a science.

The Insincerity of Politeness

I believe that sometimes politeness is a necessity. Without it, human beings would not be able to live in close quarters without offending each other as much as they already do. We have to have a basic understanding of the rules of society in order for it not to go keeling over into the waste-bin madly. In addition, the general golden rule idea also makes a great deal of sense.

However, sometimes I am completely fed up by the lies that politeness force on us or the nonsensical and pointless words we must mouth in order to pledge obeisance to all that is politeness.

Common example: I do not like saying that I am fine whenever anyone insincerely inquires into the state of my life. At this point in time, I am most assuredly not fine. Or okay. I usually short circuit this conversation by saying something else bland that is also basically a conversation non-starter without making me feel irritated about lying. Right now "hot" is a good answer, considering the blistering heat wave felt across the country. "Getting by" is also truthful enough for me. Depending on the person, I may even answer "frustrated" and talk a little about my job search, or "busy" and talk about my class and getting my house ready for sale.

What set me off today was a coworker's question. "Would you mind turning your music down?" was all she said, and it was a simple enough question that she could have phrased less politely. Also, I have no problem turning it down other than the bare fact that I can't stand listening to music if I can't make it out. I'll grab my headphones from the car on my break (headphones I forgot to bring in with me, which would have short circuited the whole issue.) No problem. She has the right not to have to listen to my music, even if it's likely she could barely hear it from across the room. She's a nice person too, who generally behaves inobtrusively within the office so I have no problem trying to adjust my volume.

The point is that I gave a polite answer. "Of course not," I said, as if I could say anything else. Why should I even have to grace that question with an answer? Politeness dictates I have to turn it down, no questions asked. It isn't as if I could say "Hell yes I do mind, the music is hardly loud enough for me to hear, let alone you sitting across the room and on the other side of a loud air filter, and there's no way the simple job you're doing actually requires that much concentration." Even if I phrased it more politely, it's not quite acceptable to say "I'd rather not," even if it's the bald-faced truth.

So if you come across a surly and overheated Clio today, don't ask her questions that she will be forced to answer politely and fakely. Only ask her how she is if you're sincerely concerned. Don't do anything for her that would require a thank you note detailing how she plans on spending many happy years making memories with the antique Elvis commemorative potato peeler you gave her, or making the rooster lamp a design centerpiece in her aspiringly art-deco on the cheap home. And tell her to turn her music up.

State of My Personal Economy

I have officially been looking and applying for jobs since late March, and much more seriously since early April. I have been in the top two slot for two jobs. I have had a total of 4 (first)interviews for places that I would not be working a cash register. So far, I haven't even been able to land a basic part time job.

I don't know if this is just the darkest part of the night before the dawn, and I surely hope so, but it's time. Really. At this point I don't care where I'll have to live, as long as I make enough money to get by. I can't make it much longer on a wink and a prayer. Car insurance is due in 3 weeks. My divorce lawyer is billing me for another 250 dollars. I can only eat spaghetti so many nights in a row. I can only expect my friends to be understanding and stick to the free activities available to us for so many months.

I have lots of education. I have a masters in education AND my subject area. I've taed for 4 years, substitute taught as well, taught preschool and summer camp. Won't somebody give me a job? Please?

Late Night Indulgences

For the past few days I've been indulging a new guilty pleasure. When it gets late and dark, and my eyes aren't anywhere near drooping, I juice up my tivo and click onto the special folder of programming that my dvr has recently been accumulating. I'm watching Alias.

Last summer I picked up a DVD of the series to spice up my daily treadmill constitutionals. I enjoyed it- it's always nice to see a female kicking ass- but at the time I was already watching Buffy, working long hours, and taking a class two nights a week. Not to mention, some of the finer plot points were lost under the roar of the machine as I ran.

Recently I noticed that TNT had started cycling through the series again late in the night. I programmed the tivo to tape it, but between class, work, court, and finishing up getting the class ready to sell I've had little time to watch tv. This past week the house became ready.

It's a piece of fluff, but an enjoyable one. It's got a strong woman character, a dreamy French actor (who Zach Braf may have to fight to continue to have sole access to my affections as tv boyfriend), and of course, wigs.

Right now as I'm dreaming of sleep I'm thinking about what it would be like to be a spy. Broken marriage, realty, dog custody would all seem like a breeze if I were a world-class double agent seeking to take down a mercenary agency posing as a branch of the CIA. And wouldn't I look cute in that red wig?

Still looking for a job. Court was difficult. Still mending.

Long Time. No See.

I'm feeling pretty empty as of late, and a bit busy as well, so I haven't posted in a while. Sometimes writing this blog feels a little bit like filling a glass, but when I feel like such an empty vessel I don't feel that I have much to fill the blog up with. Today I merely decided to write despite it all.

I don't feel like rehashing everything right now, maybe someday I will. I would actually prefer to write something concise and cute, evocative and moving, or at the very least funny. Instead I will tell you:

Tomorrow I will go to court for a pre-trial conference. I am nervous.

I have not seen Darcy-dog in 3 months. Maybe this is part of the reason I feel a bit empty.

My house goes on the market tomorrow. I have been busy working and cleaning and etcetera on the house with no small amount of help from my family. They've really helped quite a bit and been very supportive, if not a little pushy. I am very greatful, but would you not buy a house if the basement floor could not be eaten off of?

I still don't have a new job. I keep applying for positions and hearing nothing. I only had one interview last month. This month I've had one too, but don't get too excited. It's for a part time position at Blockbuster. I worked there during undergrad. Let me tell you, I am just estatic with the idea that I will get to work with the public and count down registers (let alone wear a uniform to work) once again.

I have not seen my future ex in three months either. I am afraid I will not be able to function after seeing him tomorrow. I can't stand looking at him.

I'm not sure what else to say. Sometime soon I'll write more, I guess.

Is it too much to ask for that my house sell quickly and I find a new job? Seriously, I've been really building up my kharma credit account lately and it's time for some good fortune already.