He was moving out this time last week when I was in class. I got home and found a message on the answering machine. No warning, he's just gone. And he's patting himself on the back for alienating his family and friends.
Things have been pretty rough. He wrote a lot of checks out of the joint account and hasn't contributed a red cent to any of the joint household bills for this month. His name is on the mortgage, too. And I don't make enough money to pay all the bills by myself. I will not get an extra job to pay for his new bachelor pad.
I've moved past the point where I have to sing showtunes in my head to keep from crying in public, but I'm still wallowing in pain.
Any logical person would have left him years ago. I've done so much for him, and his reaction is that he resents those choices of mine, telling me I should have only made choices for myself. I don't understand what his definition of marriage is- that we should have gone on leading separate lives under the same roof? I shouldn't have considered taking a second job to pay his bills and instead allowed us to sink into bankruptcy? I should have been able to sustain a romantic passion for him despite the fact that I had to beg to get him to spend one weekend night a week with me?
I wish I had a magic wand that could fix everything. Or that I had won the big lottery jackpot a little while ago. Instead I'm going to have to figure out how I can pay to heat my house to 54 degrees (Fahrenheit) while continuing to eat this winter. And get my house ready to sell so I can move in with my parents. I love my parents, but that's not exactly a fun option. I wish the pain would go away.
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2 comments:
I know all about wishing for the magic wand... I hope you are feeling better..
((HUGS))) You CAN do it alone, although it doesn't seem like it now.
Look into aid if you need to. Don't let him make you feel like nothing. I've BTDT on more than one occasion and it's not a fun place to be.
Remember to breathe.
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