Today's been one of those down days. I am pretty sad and hurt and angry and don't have really a lot to do with that except pour it out here. Everyone who would listen to me is tired of hearing about this. You all probably are too, but bear with me.
It's my birthday on Tuesday and my only birthday wish is that my husband would come home to be with me, and tell me that everything is going to be all right. Instead, I will probably spend the evening alone doing my homework.
My world is not right. I carry the pain with me daily, and sometimes it's no heavier a burden than a pendant hanging off my neck. Other times it is a millstone that drags me down to the earth with each step, reminding me constantly how miserable my life is and how little the person who said he would love, honor, and cherish me forever actually cares for me.
If it wasn't for my dog, I'd want to die. I can't really imagine my life ever being happy again.
It's not perfect, but it's worth it.
About Me
- Clio
- I'm a full time adjunct history teacher, an avid reader and entertainment missionary, a devoted dog mom, running addict and evidently, blogger, enjoying the happiness of finally working at the entry level of a profession I enjoy and finding someone who cares about me.
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2006
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January
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- Almost Dreamland
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- Do Dates Have Meaning?
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- I'm Older Than I've Ever Been and Now I'm Even Older
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1 comment:
I'm listening to a song as I'm reading your post. It says, "Jesus loves you - his blood was shed for you".
I think a lot of depression comes from not knowing that we are loved by the creator of the universe -- and that his love is strong, saving, and sustaining. We just weren't designed for separation -- we were designed for fellowship. And we weren't designed to walk alone and carry our own burdens.
Jesus restored broken fellowship on the Cross when he shed his blood as an offering for our rebellion and sin. So, a way has been opened to return to God. Perhaps you already know all this.
Here's what's playing now:
Jesus loves you, he who died
Haaven's gates to blast open wide
He will wash away your sins
Call his sons and his daughters in
Come on in, come on in, come on!
Jesus loves you, oh so much
With a tender heart, and a holy touch
With an aching deep down in his bones
So he calls you, men and women, boys and girls, young and old, rich and poor, those who are far away, and those who are near
He's reaching down, and he's calling you -- he's calling you to come on home, come on home.
Maybe you would benefit from listening to some different music. I would recommend Jars of Clay, or Matt Redman.
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