I woke up around 3:20 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep. I decided to make the most of my time and snuggly Darcy, my shared custody dog. I still didn't feel sleepy so I watched some tv and loved on my girls. I drifted off to sleep about 20 minutes before my alarm went off at 5:50.
Somewhere before sleep but when I was not quite awake I thought I felt another person in bed with me. I knew, in the strange way that you know things in dreams, that it was my husband. He laid alongside me and put his arm around me. I could feel the hair on his hand. I could feel his weight against my body. It felt so real. It wasn't a dream in that there was a particular scenario going on. I still knew he had left me, and I had no questions as to why he was in bed holding me. I was thankful that he was there and I felt that there would be a time for questions later.
This vision has haunted me all day long. It's made me cry a few times, in short bursts. I almost had a panic attack while my students were taking a test. It's really quite cruel. It's hard to escape the pain all day long, and have to be attacked by my subconcious as well?
At least I'll have plenty to discuss with my counselor tomorrow.
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