Another Week

This has been a week. Class was tough- student teaching is hard. I was a people pleaser and a grade chaser when I was in high school, and most of my students don't have that motivation. It's hard to figure out how to get them to do the stuff they need to do to get the grades, to pass the class.

On the other hand, I went to a concert this week with an attractive male acquaintance (let's call him John). The concert was great, and I don't know exactly what's going on with the acquaintance but I'm happy enough just to make a new friend. I've spent so much time taking care of my husband and sacrificing for him, it will be nice for a change to have friends I can do things with, like my female friend- let's call her Becca.

I know that I'm not really in a good place for a more serious relationship, and friendships build slowly, but let's just say that I wouldn't be adverse to some slow building between myself and John. Who knows if he even feels that way himself- I have no radar whatsoever after being with the same man for a decade. But at least he wants to go out again this week. So I wasn't boring enough (as a future friend or otherwise) to not propose another outing....

Not to mention that during the evening's conversations, he talked fiscal responsibility. After all the second jobs and stealing I have encountered from my husband frugality really turns me on.

Yesterday when husband was over working on the house (I tried to be out most of the time he was here, but since he's not returning my phonecalls or emails about practical things such as money, the dogs, and the house I have to get him when I can) for about five minutes I thought that divorce couldn't be that bad after all he's put me through. That was the first time I've felt that way. Maybe things can move along to the upswing- I'm so tired of feeling sad, hurt, and rejected. I want to be young and carefree- at least one night a week. I've sacrificed myself and my happiness and youth for the last five years as I've dealt with a variety of avoidable and unavoidable tragedies- the two times husband lost his job, his diagnosis with schizophrena, his overspending problems, lots of things breaking in the house when I was working three jobs just to pay the NORMAL bills- I deserve to have fun once in a while.

Thursday night I had the best time I'd had in months. Maybe in over a year. I was out with an attractive guy, no matter what the meaning of that was, I was listening to a good band, I was jumping and dancing with the music and I was happy. Here's to finding that more often.