Sleep

I am sooo tired. My sleep schedule is off, and over the weekend I've been sleeping in and then ruining my schedule for the next day. Hopefully I'll get back on track soon.

I am glad I only have two more weeks of this silly class. Ninety pages a night is way too much work when the class meets daily.

Not much to say today. Chloe and I took a long walk in the park, and I wore the wrong shoes. Now I am paying the price hobbling all around my house.

Good night. I'm going to enjoy my freshly squeezed lemonade.

Another Argument for New York

I am a pizzaholic. Enough said.

Today was a nice day. I lounged around watching tv in bed for awhile, did some laundry, and took my dog for a nice run at the park. Both of us are getting in better shape because of these runs. Though I'm used to the humm of my treadmill and probably run slower in the park, the hills really give me a workout I don't get at home.

Now to chain myself to my homework for the next day, and to my computer to finish a few new cover letters and resumes. Gotta pay the bills. I'll probably fit in another dog walk too.

Hope you're all enjoying your holiday weekends.

My To Do List

I have made a resolution. Possibly not a shocking one, or not even one I will keep with 100% certainty. However, I have been rather down this week since my fifth wedding anniversary was marked only by filing preliminary divorce papers (I don't know what the legal terms are- we're not divorced yet, we're haggling over our house and Darcy). I also haven't seen Darcy in about five weeks. So this resolution is giving me something to focus my energy on and something positive to look forward to.

I have decided to move to New York in a year.

Deep breath.

I am a hard-core suburbanite who has lived in a smallish midwestern city the past five years. I was raised fundamentalist and with very conservative values. I have grown increasingly more liberal (radical?) as I have piled on the years of higher education. The city I live in is the only Democratic haven in the state, barring the University I attend. I wouldn't be lying to say I have not been looking forward to leaving my liberal haven and being pushed once more into flag-waving, Bush-loving suburbia. Not to mention all I ever wanted to do for a living when I was in high school was act and write.

I hate driving. I love the arts. I've always wanted to leave much closer to water. I would adore the adventure of making my way in a new place where no one knows me and isn't dotted with places that remind me of having a broken heart.

I have given up a number of opportunities for the sake of love and my marriage. I have made a ton of sacrifices willingly and happily for the sake of Ratfink. If he could have treated me like a person and loved me, I still could have been happy with that. But my life is now going on another path. I want to start doing things that will make me happy. I want to live my life for me for once.

First I have to sell my house here and get a job. I plan on saving the money I make off the house and saving as much of my income next year as possible. When I move in with my parents, I will get rid of as many of my belongings (give away, sell, throw out) when I move to my parents' basement, and thus streamline my posessions. I also plan to take Krav Maga over the next year. It'll get me in shape and help me feel more confident.

Then next year after the school year ends, I will move to New York a few weeks before school starts, get to know the city, vacation from my new home and enjoy being in the coolest city in the country.

Is this a real word?

It's the Clark County word of the week. It is something I have been practicing for a number of years, but is it a real word?


"Longanimity" is a noun which means: patient endurance of injuries

Vote- does this word sound made up?

Morning Quickie

Any of you that have inside dogs probably can guess what the first thing I do in the morning is- other than tiredly curse the morning, that is. I take my dog out for a pit stop.

Everything was fairly normal this morning. Dog sniffing, dog squatting, dog barking at squirrels walking the telephone lines. My dog generally barks, standing on her hind legs as if she can reach the phone lines until the squirrels are long out of sight. As a result, I idly checked the status of the squirrels so I could figure out when my dog might calm down and come inside. (As per the aforementioned tendency of my dog to be a Houdini, I always go outside with her.) What I got-for looking at the squirrels- was an eyeful.

It was fur on fur, wild and crazy squirrel sex on top of the telephone pole (how phallic....)

Hmmmm. More's the pity, I'm not sure anything else in my day today is going to top that.

The Bird Bell Curve

The birds in my neighborhood are decidedly dumber than your average birds.

Exhibit A: Last summer I would be sitting in my living room minding my own business, reading on the couch or watching television. From time to time I would hear the chirping sound of birds and think to myself, "that really sounds close." I would think nothing of it for a while, until I would suddenly look up and notice my kitty. She would be sitting at my feet quietly, with a live bird perched in her mouth. This scenario happened to me several times last summer, and I believe happened to the Ratfink (my soon-to-be-ex-husband) once or twice as well.

After said kitty would appear with said bird, myself or Ratfink would grab the bird and release it out of doors before the cat or one of our dogs decided to kill the bird all over our new carpet. Eh, and I guess we were concerned for the bird's sake as well. We weren't sure if it was the same bird, but it was definitely the same species. Eventually, the bird did not make it out of the house and no bird reappeared in our house. Until today.

Exhibit B: I had just brought Chloe inside from her last bathroom break for the night and was talking to my mom on the phone. As we were talking I heard the familiar noise of my dog tearing through the house on a chase. My dog and my cat aren't really on the best of terms. I'm pretty sure that my dog can't understand why we haven't let her eat the cat already. I don't know how many times I've spied my black dog with a shockingly white clump of fur in her mouth. Point is, I assumed my dog was yet again chasing my poor cat.

I was wrong. I looked over and saw, instead of my black and white fuzzykins at the mercy of my pig-dog, but a small grey bird much like the one who I got to know personally last summer. Who, when I tore my dog away from it, promptly flew up my stairs.

"Great," I think, now I'm going to have a bird in my belfry! I'll never get it out!"

Luckily, fast reflexes and some minor plastic bag wrangling allowed me to get the birdie out the back door. It even flew away fairly normally into the night. Hopefully not to return on semi-regular intervals until its untimely death.

Exhibit C: The pidgeons that live in my spare-room window next to the window unit air conditioner keep coming back. I've sprayed any number of chemicals and scents on the window area, cleaned the window out of the nest weekly, and even (ashamedly) committed pidgeon-chick-icide. But that window must still be getting 4 stars in the Michelin guide, because there are no shortage of birds that want to live there.

Can you understand why I think that there must be a family of inbred sub-normal birds living in my neighborhood? Why and how do they keep sneaking into my house? Why do I encourage my animals not to kill them? (other than the obvious carpet-stains and possible digestive issues involved)

The Wait is Excruciating

I am at the point where I have been applying for and interviewing for jobs for about two months. I am beginning to grow tired of the procedure.

The job I applied for two months ago has yet to make any move forward. The job I went through a month of 4 different interviews and made it to the last cut, me versus one other applicant, has yet to call back. My putative boss said that he would make the decision right away.

It's been 48 hours.

Ring, phone. Ring.

I'm afraid that I'm going to be getting a polite letter in the mail tomorrow.

On the other hand, the girls' school that liked me a lot (but didn't hire me) has posted another job. I'm encouraged. The letter they sent me didn't sound like a form, and it did say that I was one of the most qualified applicants.

In other news, I now have a pink kitchen. It looks a lot better than it did, but I really am learning to exercise care when choosing paint. The colors can really look different on the tiny 2 inch sample versus on a huge wall. I thought the color was more of a peach pink and it looks more a ballet slipper pink. But at least the wallpaper is all down, the cracks in the wall are fixed, and the walls are all one color. It's a start. All I have left to do is clean and floor a couple of rooms and the house will be ready. Right when it starts to look a little nice.

Summer class started two days ago and I should probably be reading Max Weber instead of blogging, but I saw comments and the joy of being read prompted me to leave an update. Hopefully I'll have better news tomorrow....

Ha!

For those niggling questions your tykes sometimes have, take a look at this. It may be a difficult issue to talk about, but consulting the experts always helps.

This is the Interview that Doesn't End...

I had a VERY long job interview today. It took almost three hours. It's a decent job, with the possibility of teaching a little part time. It would start soon, so money won't be nearly as much of a problem as it is right now. I hope I get it.

Things have been in flux for a long time. I can't say how wonderful it would be to be able to have a regular paycheck, work friends, have something to dress up for each morning. I could start saving money for my down payment, work on qualifying for a loan for a new place.

Anyway, I'm also on an upswing in my running. After cutting back due to almost breaking my knee, then because of finals and a sore ankle, I ran a whole 8 miles yesterday. That's my longest run since Christmas break. Maybe I'll be ready to run in the half marathon this fall.

I read a book last night. This was the first book I've managed to read since class ended. I have felt so overwhelmed. When I finished my masters last spring I read a lot- but my reading material devolved into an orgy of chicklit and bubblegum fiction. This spring I've read a few magazines, but for the most part sat back and vegged out in front of the television.

There are times in our lives when we need a certain kind of comfort food. At the moment, reading hasn't been mine. The reading, however, is making me feel more like myself than before.

Hail, Genius Pig!

Now, if she were my child I could claim it as genetic, but since she's my dog I suppose that I can only say I'm proud of her and not take the credit for myself. Anyway, the point is, my dog, Chloe, my best friend and sweet piggy pie, started obedience class today and she went up to the second level of classes on her first day.

Of course I've always know she was a genius. I've known this because she is the most stubborn dog in the world, and a Houdini to boot. When she was a yearling she eventually had to be rigged to a zip line in order to leave her unsupervised in the yard. At one time, I actually had to tie a rope to her leash and lead her around the yard so she wouldn't escape. Even then she hopped the neighbor's fence on her rope with me at the other end once or twice. She's matured a lot since then, but I still watch her the entire time she's in the fenced yard at my house.

We started obedience classes because I want to get her certified as a volunteer dog. To do that, I first have to get her to pass several levels of obedience classes. Also, I am a little tired of her pulling on the leash. So I went to an orientation for obedence classes 6 weeks ago. Finally this week an opening appeared in our preferred course slot.

I will say that fake bacon strips do go a long way to convince my dog to do whatever I ask her too. I swear that with enough carrots (yes carrots) and bacon strips I could teach my dog to take dictation. She's VERRRRY food motivated. Hence the nickname "Pig." The only food she is on record as NOT liking is celery. Which is loads different than my other dog, who turns her nose up at basically everything, and with good reason. She's got an extremely sensative tummy. I could tell you tales that would curl your hair just imagining the scent.

So, happy Thursday. I'm going to snuggle my sweet little genius.

Almost Done

Just another twenty-four hours of hard work and I'm done for about 12 days. Summer classes. Ergh!

I've been working on my teaching portfolio almost non-stop much of the day, and then onto a reading comprehension project. Working on the portfolio was a nice capstone to a hectic semester. I got to look at the things I accomplished, all bound together in a nice binder, typed up and explained. All of my favorite lesson plans, papers, and other accomplishments a physical reminder of all of the hard work I have done. It made me proud.

Still working at getting that job! I'm sending out a new batch of c.v.'s after I finish my final school assignment.

To end my Monday post, I've decided to let you in on a game that I play with myself when I'm bored, or trying to fall asleep. It's probably a game that a lot of people play, with some variation. I call it "What I would do if I won the lottery."
I'm going to restrict myself to three things, to keep it short.

1. Buy the condo I visited on Sunday. It's gorgeous and perfect. The bedroom is big enough for my big bed, there's a lot of light and a lot of privacy, and a nature trail near by. It's also in a part of the metropolitan area that I'm not very familiar with and never lived in before. Which means that the area is not overlaid with millions of memories of hubby and me together.

2. Take a long, sweeping tour of Europe with my puppy dog. We'd take a boat or private plane so she wouldn't have to ride in the cargo hold. Airlines don't promise that animals will leave that area alive. I would spend time in England, France, Austria, and Italy to begin with.

3. Invest enough money so I don't have to work for a living if I don't want to. I want to split my time between taking classes- dance, yoga, guitar, foreign language and etc.- and working for causes I believe in such as women's health. I also would like to spend time getting my dogs certified as volunteer dogs so I can take them to visit hospitals and nursing homes. They are such sweet animals, they would love meeting new people. They have enough love to spread around.

What would you do if you were independently wealthy? Really? After taking a huge trip I know I'd probably lounge around and sleep in for about a week before I got incredibly bored. I'd definitely have to devote myself to doing something greater for the world.

New Mantra

There comes a time in every woman's life when, at least for a minute, she can admit to herself that the person she has completely devoted her every breath and effort does not deserve it. Her character is not determined by whether or not she leaves him, how long it takes to leave, or whether or not she lives the rest of her life in bittersweet denial, but how she changes the way she lives her life and the way she values herself and all the people in her world.

I am not done yet. As Buffy says in the series finale, "I'm cookie dough" and not yet cookies. However, I am trying to focus on something else.

People (namely, family members) keep telling me that I'll have a fresh start, a new life soon. They often fail to realize that that new life will not be reached from my parents' basement. I admit that my parents will probably treat me a little differently than when I was 19 and living at home the last time, but a 10:30 curfiew, asking permission to drive my own car, being required to attend church each Sunday, and being asked whether or not I was being a "good girl" each time I came home from a date are all house rules I am hoping that are long gone. Still, you might guess that the people who came up with these rules less than a decade ago could not have changed much. For instance, my mother freaked out completely last week when I didn't call her for a couple of hours one afternoon last week. I am also expected to call them when I get to my own home from anywhere so they know I'm safe. I should be thankful that my parents are concerned about me, but they are a tad overprotective.

Anyway, I don't have the new job, new condo, or new life yet, but I intend to accomplish those things one by one. I'm hoping I will have the first 2 and be in the process of the third by this time next year. I'm sure I'll let you all know.

I am beginning to get anxious about the two job interviews I had last week- neither one has called back this week although they both said that they would get back to me this week. No news isn't bad news, at least. I just loved the school I visited soooo much. I want the job very badly. And it's my turn. It's time for me to get some of that good karma that's around. I'm not a puppy kicker or anything else equally bad. It's time for something decent to land in my lap. Please?

Twin Peaks, Ummm... a Bit Peakier

I think I remember somewhere that showering, sex, and PMS each raise the size of your breasts by one cup size. I've never tested the theory before, and let me say, I've often wondered what would happen to a woman who was PMSsing while having shower sex. Would her breasts just puff up so much they might pop?

Well, let me just say that I'm feeling very much like Busty McChesterton today. Since I'm not at present showering and blogging at the same time, and am as chaste as a nun for these past-way-too-long-to-mention-days, I'm guessing I'm on the pre-menstrual train.

I wonder if I'm the only one who notices those days. Do guys notice when the women they see regularly have busty days? Or does the testosterone short circuit the measuring portions of their brains and they just see bust?

Non-Americans often think the American breast fetish is quite silly. If you really think about it, they are glorified baby bottles. This is why other cultures don't have the same problem we do with public breastfeeding. Not that I am in any way comfortable with breastfeeding in public. I don't wish to take that right from anyone, but I couldn't whip mine out except in private.

Anyway, I suppose today I will just be saluting the breast in general. So, ladies, do those self-exams, get your mammograms when warranted, and hold yourself proud no matter what your size.